Do you think that title should continue, perhaps to "watch me clean and wash and cook and drive and even think for everyone else around here, without so much as a thank you now and then?" Ever feel that way? Most stepmoms do at least some of the time because no matter how liberated we become, it seems that the woman of the house becomes everyone's maid before she can say, "Pick up those dirty clothes!"

If you've been crowned "Queen of all Domestic Duty," don't despair. While we'll probably always have more of the housework to do than the rest of our family, we don't have to resent it or work ourselves to death taking care of it. There are a few things we can do to look at our work differently and even eliminate some of it, starting today.

Check the origin of your title. Who made you the maid -- them or you? Once we start doing for others, it becomes easy for them to expect us to continue. If you want to change your duties, it's up to you.

Respect your title. Whoever does the housework deserves the respect and thanks of others. If you value the time and energy you put into your home, others will, too, as long as you don't obsess over it. No one wants to be followed around by a crazy woman with a broom and a towel who yells over every little thing, but everyone should appreciate the work involved in keeping the house running. Look at everything you do as valued work, and let your stepkids know it. The perception of all you do begins with you.

Limit your title. Let there be a clear line where you decide that your work begins. I do all the laundry at my house, but I don't put the kids' clean clothes away, and I don't collect the dirty ones. I wash the dishes brought to the sink, but I won't go in search of dirty ones they've left throughout the house. I clean the bathtub, but I won't wipe up the mess they make on the floor.

Redefine your title. I hate to admit for all of cyberspace how much I've lowered my standard of clean since becoming a stepmom, but let's just say it's considerable. A life that includes two more kids simply doesn't leave as much time for housework. Even if you are pretty much the maid at your house, you don't have to be the world's greatest one. I've decided that I'll really clean the house when the kids are gone -- in the meantime, my maid role is confined to the common areas of the house and what's required for general sanitation. That's why houses have doors -- if my boys want to live in messy rooms, they can.

Accentuate your title. Add "chief clutter control officer" to your maid duties, and you'll cut the drudgery in half. Give yourself permission to throw away whatever someone leaves for you to pick up. Explain your policy and then enforce it. It won't take everyone long to get the idea.

Minimize your title. The less mess that comes in, the less there is that has to go out. Have the kids leave their shoes on the porch or in a mudroom. Think about new purchases before you bring them into your home -- who's going to clean and maintain the items? Have the kids get rid of old toys or clothes before getting new ones.

Abdicate your title. There's no law that says you have to be the maid, and some stepmoms go as far as only doing their and their own children's laundry and cooking. You'll know if you have to go to that extreme to change things around your house.

Share your title. This is, of course, the ideal solution. And when you figure out how to do it, let me know! Seriously, there's no reason why kids can't pitch in with the household maintenance. But remember, how much they do is probably more a reflection of you and Dad than it is of them. To make things easier, get rid of the clutter and be as tolerant as you can of their efforts. Also, spend your time on the areas that matter most to you. Is it the bathroom disaster that drives you crazy, or it is the kitchen chaos? Focus on the worst area and work from there.

I, too, would love to live in a neater house, never find another mess someone's left for me to clean up, have mopped floors that stayed clean longer than it takes for the cleanser to dry, and actually see the bottom of my sink once in a while. I supposed I'll have all that one day, but for now, I'll manage the best I can in our far less than spotless home.

I won't be everyone's maid, but I won't run my home like a prison, either. There has to be some middle ground where I don't work from dawn to dusk and we don't get condemned by the health department. One day at a time in all things stepfamily, that's my motto. As long as we're making progress, I can live with that, dust and all.