Nothing comes easy in stepmotherhood, but you can learn a few tricks to get you through much of what you face. Believe in your strength, focus on your goals, and remind yourself of these quick tips when the going gets tough.

The Kids…

1. Do approach this unique relationship with a positive attitude and a willing heart. Don't give up.

2. Don't argue with your stepchild because it will never get you anywhere. Do work together to find a solution to the problem.

3. Do establish some house rules -- it will make things easier on everybody in your home. Don't be afraid to enforce the rules!

4. Don't ever give your stepkids reason to mistrust you. Do always tell them the truth and keep your promises.

5. Do remember that building loyalty with your stepkids takes time. Don't expect too much of yourself or anyone else too quicky.

6. Don't take their rejection personally. Do show them who you are and give them time to love you by choice.

7. Do identify the problem in disciplining your stepkids -- it may be your husband.

8. Do trust your instincts.

9. Do create some family traditions that will help everyone connect and feel more a part of the family.

10. Do try to be a part of your stepkids' lives without trying to take over.

Her…

1. Do keep your cool when you have to deal with your stepkids' mom.

2. Do establish boundaries that keep her at a distance from your marriage. Don't live in the past with her.

3. Do learn how to manage your life with her because she will be a part of it for a long time.

4. Don't speak ill of her to anyone other than your husband.

5. Do give her the opportunity to earn your trust.

6. Don't expect her to want to be friends with you. Don't give her any reason not to want to be friends with you.

7. Do keep the kids out of any battle you're having with her.

8. Do join forces with her whenever possible.

9. Don't let the past color your world today. Do let the memories of her fade while you make new ones of your own.

10. Don't let her make you question your space.

Him . . .

1. Do say "I love you" every day.

2. Don't complicate things with ineffective communication. Do make sure that you understand and are understood.

3. Do respect and honor each others' differences in parenting styles.

4. Don't blame him for his ex-wife's actions. Do hold him accountable for his own.

5. Do back each other up on decisions about the kids.

6. Do protect your marriage, because it's in danger from the forces outside your home. Don't create any dangers inside your home.

7. Do remember why you're here.

8. Do let him help you through the hard parts of this life.

9. Do remind him to have faith in his kids. Don't let him fear their mom.

10. Do try to see things from his point of view.

The Money…

1. Do remember that money is the equivalent of power to many people. Don't underestimate the part it will play in your stepfamily.

2. Do have a plan for handling your family's finances.

3. Do involve the kids at the level they can understand.

4. Don't let someone else's financial condition affect your handling of your own.

5. Do save some money just for you.

6. Don't try to impress the kids with your bounty of money or make them feel guilty because of your lack of it.

7. Do build your life and your family around things more important than money.

8. Do buy each kid (yours and his) what he needs. Don't buy one kid something just because you need to buy another kid something.

9. Do teach your kids how to handle money.

10. Don't let money come between you and your husband.

You . . .

1. Do what you need to do to cope with the challenges of your life.

2. Don't be afraid of your feelings. Do accept and learn from them.

3. Do know where you are and where you want to go in your role of stepmom. Don't let anyone make these decisions but you.

4. Do create some balance in your life with a practical and positive approach to your challenges and conflicts.

5. Do seek help, because you're not alone, and you can't do this job alone. Do look at what's available in your local area and online.

6. Don't let the stress get to you! Do decide now to manage or eliminate it.

7. Do remember everything you've done right and build on your success.

8. Don't let jealousy destroy your heart. Do trust in what's yours.

9. Do change what you can and accept what you can't. Don't give in to resentment.

10. Do reinforce your faith in something bigger and more powerful than you are.